Fifty Percent off Christmas

So it's "50% off Christmas" at the local gift shop.  That of course is really just shorthand for 50% off Christmas merchandise.  Alternately it could well mean that Christmas day has been reduced by 50% to only 12 hours, with half a turkey. 

Apologetic Door

Here's a sign on a door between inside and outside at a local garden centre.

It's a single door in a bank of windows.  While it's pleasing to be invited to use the door, assuming that there's a need or desire, it's curious why this would be a cause to apologise.

Nature No Entry

A walk through some Buxton woods reveals this wonderful no-entry gate, but missing it's neighbouring fencing.  This is the more relaxed countryside guidance.... and the point is made simply enough.  It's empowering a sense of trust which is simultaneously encouraging a natural curiosity.

This Way Up Down and Sideways

Here's a box for the transport of flowers.... David Austin Roses no less.

There's a great bright sticker specifically to highlight the fragility and to keep upright.  So wonderful that such a clearly purposeful sticker has been used in such a way as to be at odds with itself.  What's even more curious is that the sticker does not explicitly say to keep the box upright, rather to keep box as the angle of the arrows.  That might just raise the question about whether the box should be balanced on it's corner, a bit like balancing a pyramid on it's point.

Real Ice Skating Rink

It's time for some ice skating so let's go to the Ice Skating Rink. The flyer sums it up "Experience the magic of ice skating on REAL ICE".  But of course when it comes the to the signage, then things get a bit more tricky as things get shortened.  Mark Twain is quoted as saying “I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead".  Plus the adage of "less is more" and the challenge of synthesis with clarity and impact can be a bit tricky.  Here there's a play on the fact that the Ice is real, but of course can equally refer to the fact that the Ice Skating Rink it itself real, rather than imaginary of course.

Legal Lawn

In London's legal quarter, there are several large private courtyards and grassed areas, open to the public for limited times during the day, usually around lunchtime.  Here's one of those that subtly re-enforces that legal sense that access is not a right but is permissive.  So to add to the more usual message of "Please keep off the grass" which in most cases is usually sufficient, this is re-enforces that legal-ease closure message for the lawn.

Inconvenient Convenience

From the loo door in a garden centre.  Not only is this loo out of order, it seems like it's doubly out of order.  Why use when one sign when you can use two.  

Maybe the lower sign is in some way of recognition of the spelling mistake in the top sign of convenience missing the "V".

There's also something magical about the apology for the inconvenience of this convenience being out of action.....

Only Average Bacon

A super market promotion, a big display promoting bacon.  One pound per pack.  Eight rashers in the pack. But on close inspection there is some small print....the eight rashers is just an 'average'.

So the promise is only as good as an average of eight rashers.  So maybe more or less rashers.  So 7 rashers is 12.5% difference, that's quite a big discrepancy, although technically of course the pack is sold by weight.  And that would assume it's an exact weight, which must be tricky to get right. 

That creates some interesting maths opportunities...suffice it to say that depending on how the average is calculated that could mean lots lets bacon.  Excuse the pun.

So a median average of eight could be achieved by having 1000 packs with 7 with rashers and 1001 with eight rashers..... That's a thousand missing rashers or the equivalent of 125 packs (of eight).  

Car Boat Park

Sun setting on the Norfolk coast.  It's the car park.  Actually the car and boat park.

There's lots going on here.  So if you're a national trust member then it appears that parking is free and there are different rates for each type of vehicle.  But once 6pm happens then "All Vehicles" are £1.00.  What about those members with their vehicles, are they still free, after all it does clearly say "all vehicles". In practice the free membership probably holds sway.  But while that might not apply to the wheeled vehicles, but does that apply to boat parking.The thing is there's lots of dimensions going on here.  Firstly there's members, secondly there is different vehicle types and thirdly different time periods.

Doctor Doctor

This is from a hospital consultation room.

The implication here is that all doctors are male.  Certainly not politically correct for November 2013.

Someone's had a go at the correction though....

And if that was not enough, it's not longer a sick-note, with that air of positive uplift, it is now of course a
Fit-Note (Statement of Fitness to work).

Hands Off!

One of the more effective signs....what not to do, what to do, and engaging language.

So the instruction "Hands Off"....a familiar and engaging phrase, and needs to be with such a short time to capture attention before wanting to lift the lid.

Then the positive direction "Pedal operation only" that rounds it off.

More Serious Parking

A local authority car park.

"Terms and Conditions: Customers Must: Display a valid ticket in windscreen or side window of vehicle.  Mark within marked bays.

If you vehicle is found to be in contravention, you are liable to receive a penalty notice.  If contravention is More Serious, then the penalty charge will be higher than if the contravention is less serious."

Some fascinating hints at bureaucracy here.

Firstly, for parking contravention....the whole idea of more serious and less serious parking contraventions is fascinating especially as there are no clues to that, other than the instructions to display a ticket, in windscreen or side window, and to park within marked bays.  A parking contravention is really just that.  In the grand scene of things the idea of a "serious" parking convention is curious, at worst probably parking across multiple bays, maybe parking a helicopter and taking up multiple bays.

Secondly, even when there's no parking charge, there's still a need for a ticket, and with some extra instructions too.   That applies evenings and the whole of the weekend.  So no revenue during those periods, but still incurring the cost of using a machine and producing tickets.....

Low Bridge or Bridges

Some new road signage to warn of a low bridge.  Actually it's quite a big bridge, but has needed so much new support underneath that it's become low.

But what's really fascinating here is that two signs here relate to the same heigh limits for the same bridge, but one used metric as the primary measure and imperial as the secondary.  The other sign does it the other way around - imperial first and metric second.  Why add this unnecessary inconsistency.  Seem very odd to add this potential confusion for drivers into what is already a lot of info...."Do these relate to the same bridges...."

Might just be a regulatory or legal standard but that does not make it right.

In 2012, 1754 people died on UK roads, 23,039 were seriously injured, and 193,784 slightly injured, totalling 195,723 injuries.   With these sorts of high stakes, there can be no real excuse for creating this unnecessary confusion for drivers..... 

Source: Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents.

Yes Parking No Parking

Some super road markings here...It's parking and no parking at the same time.  A disabled parking bay and a drop off parking bay by the looks of things, while also being no parking.  There's newer yellow lines to the left and hatched to the right which do rather strongly suggest no parking there, but within the bays they are ether old or have been partially removed.  So many mixed messages here. Glorious.

Automatic Door - but push pad first

A not so automatic, automatic door.  Not such an unusual sight in fact.  It's because that word automatic has a double meaning "working by itself with little or no direct human control" (Oxford Dictionary).  Which means two things really - either without control or with some control.  It's almost as if we need new word when it's not fully automatic...maybe "automanual" so automatic with come manual intervention.  In this case it might just be semi-automatic.

Probably Parking

Some signage at a local authority car park.

This is fabulous.  Basically there's a second blue sign required to explain the first blue sign.  Surely part of the criteria for an effective parking is for it to be able to be effectively communicated in practice....Why use 20 words when five will do....

Also it's a super example of how positive and simple language wins hands down compared to complex and negative language.  The top negative sign uses works like "Limited", "Prohibited", "No", "Limits", and successfully manages to avoid using the word "Parking".  The lower positive sign is the positive invitation to park.  Sure there are technicalities here around duration and return for pre 8:30 parking, but a relatively small proportion of the parking day.

The local hospital has changed it's car parking arrangements to reduce the "anxiety" associated with time charge parking.  Given thee signs were is a car park used by visiting tourists, that out to be a factor here too.

Gentlemen's Dress

A charming heritage sign...

From heritage steam railway in Hampshire, from their Gents loo, and from an era when gentlemen wore dresses....

Clear an simple.  Who's it from, who's it to, and what's the message.

Even has the sign's reference number as per many contemporary signs.  The "By Order" seems a bit strong though.

Clothing for Real People

The wonder of advertising.

Here a sign for "casual clothing for real people".  What sort of other people are there?  There's imaginary I suppose, and I expect some people or their behaviour may well be might be described as "unreal", so remarkable as to elicit disbelief.  Maybe the real sign is itself unreal in it's implication ....Hmmmm.....

Value the hand drying experience

Here's the hand dryer in a garden centre loo....

However while the hand dryer exists in the singular here, there is one of them, it's described in the plural.  It's quite possible that someone was asked to "make some signs for the hand dryers" with them being in different places - at least the ladies and the gents - and maybe because to some it might  not look much like a dryer at first glance.

Another alternative is that the radiator could be considered a dryer convecting heat upwards while the hand dryer projects heat downwards.  Maybe that's why there's such an explicit encouragement to "Value the Experience".

Really Ram Raid Resistant

An the wall of a now defunct out of town electrical retailer.

As well as ram raid bars, there's no less than four additional defensive mechanisms.....the wall is reinforced, ram raid resistant, alarmed and under 24 hour CCTV surveillance.  The irony the real risk to the company were commercial ones... apparently slower than the rest to shift this physical emphasis of effort into web sales.....

Welcome - risk of death

This is a welcome sign on approach to the delightful Alnwick Garden in Northumbria.  The garden has lots of attractions and features - the grand cascade waterfall which is it's signature feature, a giant treehouse with walkways and restaurant, the walled rose garden and so on.  But rather than those,  the feature being promoted on it's welcome board is the poison garden, a real feature in it's on right of course, but perhaps not making the warmest of welcomes.

Push the Pull Door

Here it seems like someone has a acquired job lot of pull/grab handles and fitted them to both sides of the door. So pull handles on the pull side and pull handles on the push side.  So rather than the typical push plates on the push side (often with the word "Push" etched in for good measure) here you're approaching a door with the familiar grab handles which are crying out to be pulled.  Hence the need for the retro fit instruction on how to operate the door... "Push".

Bank Holiday Opening Closing

From the local Library...

Another great example of over use of positive language.  There's a bank holiday and the library is closed, and so it's Bank Holiday Closing.  There's no Bank Holiday Opening at all.

Footpath Closed Closed

This is one of those signs that does rather require a bit of mental maths.  The start date is fine, although often self evident that works have started.  It's the way of expressing the finish which always seems to be the odd thing.  In giving a start date, and a specific finish point then surely it's better to express the finish point as a date too.  

It's the "four weeks" that seems like unnecessary mental maths.  This is easy enough in this case, but what about longer periods when they straddle months....that can trigger the "how many days in the month" calculation (30 days hath September, April... etc)  

That ever more curious as the two things to know here are (a) it's closed and (b) when it will open again. 

This is a local footpath across the common and a popular pedestrian route to and from the train station.  While it's a proper upgrade, to simply shut it is a real inconvience, and especially so as it seemed to be take so long to do the work.  And with the footpath looking a fine as this so much of the time to commuters, it seemed that lots of people were simply continuing to use it....hence the need for a second sign and lots of creative but rather ineffective fence making....

Concerns Complaints Queries

One of those places that is keen to show it cares about it's loos.

Its more typical to see a table with cleaning times (although watch out for those that are simply a table of inspection times, which do not mean things are necessarily cleaned).

Here the emphasis is on the checking rather than the cleaning, but of interest here is the mixture of concerns, complaints and queries.  So if you have a concern take them to reception, but it's only complaints and queries which they offer to resolve in a timely manner.  A concern might be neither a complaint or in deed a query....I might be concerned that the floor is a bit wet and slippy and a potential risk which I want to point out, without it being a complaint or have a query about it.

Exclusively Exclusive Excusivity

Exclusive is one of those special words....

The 'only' thing that make these flats exclusive is having the money to buy one.  Surely that logic applies to any commercial product, and hence by that same rationale how about some "exclusive washing up liquid", an "exclusive toothbrush", or even that "exclusive banana". 

Really Real Risk

Risk is an ever popular term. In the workplace we see risk strategies, risk assessments, risk registers and the like.  Often written from the comfort and safety of an air conditioned office about financial, reputational or even opportunity risk.

Here's a sign about risk....

Risk of Injury, Do Not Cross Barrier

The sign itself is looking a bit aged unloved, as are the surroundings. Perhaps the sign's not really needed and has been forgot about, and may be not relevant anymore.

But pan back and stand around a little and the very real risk becomes very clear indeed

Reassuringly there's a more serious sign along the way....does make you wonder if the original rather tired sign is actually doing more harm than good.

Closed for Coffee

This sign was seen on approach to the servery in the library cafe....


However approaching closer, the there are more of these signs, interspersed among an abundance of food offerings......and especially the real teaser of a sign, situated right above the bacon.....

But the specific scope is missing... Tea and filter coffee are the only hot drinks being served, rather than the only things being served.

Great that there's a why explanation here "mechanical failure" which would appear to the the machine that makes all the modern variety of coffees.

X-Ray Red-Herring

Here's the waiting area for X-Ray in hospital.  X-rays are not good for you generally, so a great idea to warn people off, and so avoid any unnecessary exposure.

The sign...."X-RAYS Do not enter when the light is on".  So have a look around for that light.  Hmmm....

Is it that black box above the door? It looks like a light with the a black lens.  Or that sign to the right which is definitely backlit and the light "Controlled Areas" is definitely on.

Well it's neither.....they are both red herrings.  The "Light is on" sign is referring to is a red lit "Do Not Enter" sign under the "Controlled Area" lit sign.

Seems poor signage to help preserve good health.

Hospital Hush

This is from Dartmouth.   So "Hospital Quiet Please" is top of the pile of signs, and at the bottom of the pile "All HGV's".  That sure is a contradiction and a half.

Attention Do Touch

That's "Attention Do Touch", rather than "Attention Do Not Touch".  It's so easy to read in that not to that sentence given the number of times we see the do not touch message.

So hats off to the National Trust for these signs in a rather remote woodland walk at Ickworth Park in Suffolk.

NOTICE the beautiful wild flowers as you walk through the woods. Take pictures, smell them and enjoy your day.

ATTENTION You will need this to spot the abundance of wildlife in this area.

PLEASE DO TOUCH. the trees or even hug them.

Great the way those words like notice, attention, which are more often seen in a forbidding context are turned on their head here. Those headline words play to that forbidding sense to attract you, and then the twist dawns as you read on.  Then there's the positive encouragement to do things like photograph and touch, again words were more used to seeing in a dissuasive content.

Just fantastic.

Gas Gap Parking

So a no parking sign with a difference - a reason.  The power of why, if only implied.

Looks like the mini graffiti version might not have been so effective.  But it'a big brother seems to be doing the job.  

So there's a polite "Please", though a bit shouty in capitals, with some apparent teeth "by order" and in police blue, plus it's quite specific.  There's the implied why around access to gas meters, but also potentially some risk to them from parking up the kerb or entry/access to the vehicle.  There's probably some other implied incentive here around not wanting to park over a gas supply.....

Naughty Newspaper

So much does the Daily Express cost today?

Well 50p of course.  Hmmmm... that makes it 10p cheaper than the Daily Mail.  A classic switch of dimensions....the absolute cost (50p) with the relative cost (10p less than the Mail).  And that's relative to a competitor's newspaper, but why stop there.....at 50p that's £254,999.50p cheaper than an average house.

Source: Office for National Statistics House Price Index July 2013
Average mix-adjusted house prices in July 2013 stood at £255,000 in England.